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In a not so surprising move, the Obama Administration took credit for discovery of the Higgs boson, the last missing piece in what's called the Standard Model, the accepted theory of particle physics.

At an impromptu White House press conference, President Obama, dodging questions about the economy and Eric Holder, dismissed claims of the CERN Research center saying that he discovered himself to be the boson during his tenure as a visiting physics professor at the University of Chicago:
You know, it was tough teaching constitutional law while lecturing in physics at the same time. Lab time was scarce, I mean, I had all these "New Party" community meetings to attend. 
When Daily Caller reporter Neil Munro pointed out that the existence of the boson was first postulated by British physicist Peter Higgs in 1964, Obama explained that he was born then in either Kenya or Hawaii, and said, "It wasn't a coincidence that David Letterman, then at Corning Labs, named me the 'God particle' at the time." Obama continued:
Who but me could Leatherman have referred to. I mean, I'm the light bringer here. This thing has a mass 125 times that of a proton, and we all know that I'm way bigger than a proton.
I've called Professor Higgins and he's cool with the name change.  
For CERN, the elusive boson has come slowly into view since last winter, as evidence of its existence grew until they practically jumped off the chart. A scientist at CERN who requested anonymity, dismissed Obama's claim:
I realize that President Obama may be the smartest man to ever be U.S. president, but this is rocket science and I doubt Obama knows the difference between a particle and particle board.
After all, this is the same guy who needs a teleprompter to talk to 6th graders. 
With an election coming up, the president is not backing down. As independents, the young and southern democrats desert him, Obama desperately needs the egghead vote.

Fondly noting his most rewarding moments as the first black physics professor at the University of Chicago, Obama confided:
It's like I used to tell all of my new students: Out with the old, in with the nucleus.
Good advice for November.  

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